Motivation, does it help?

Recently, I lost the passion to write...usually I love to write, I can just type what I felt inside....it's so easy...but recently the excitement, the passion has gone...I don't like to write serious stuff, especially academic stuff, to be frank during this TESL program I scored in Literature stuff than those grammar/technical aspect...so the task of doing thesis really makes me depress...felt like somebody's pushing me to write something I don't like...actually the mistake is mine, coz my friend suggested me to write about something that she did last semester so that I can refer and take some of her material, she said better write something that is easy, rather than something you like but difficult to find the material, since I have a few months to settle it. So that was what I did, I chose a topic that I really hate..."The Influence/The Effect of Parents' Socio-economic Status and Reading Habit"....my friend did something slightly different "SES and Academic Performance..." however the title really make me sick! serve me right! selalu tak pikir panjang n konon nak amik jln mudah...at first I was thinking on "Second Language Acquisition among children" so I can relate it with Syasya and I will like the topic and can also adapt it in my life...now everything is too late, I have a few weeks to pass it up, on 24th September....I need to see my supervisor next week, will She understand my problem? what will she say??? I'm so damn scared....

The worst part is, when I told my problem to everyone close to me, they all support me and willing to help, even my Boss...he showed me his thesis for Master...althougth he did research on Medical stuff...he said it's really easy...40 pages, you can do it...my Boss even show me the links in the internet to search...Kak Muffy, my colleague also sent me a few literature review for me, Hubby? he did that too, finding some relevant journals n site for me, Kak Na, Kak Farah...everybody pushed me...but me?so lazy and always find excuses not to do it...Actually we can do our thesis for 2 semester...at 1st I thought of extending it to next semester, but Hubby said, what the heck...just get it over and done with...betul gak dia cakap. Next year boleh hidup aman, just like my hubby now...he has plenty of time, doing what he like, he love photography, he did took a few offers of photoshoots...bila tengok dia sekarang, mmg aman n tenang, tak cam dulu serabut, kehulu kehilir ngan kelas, keje mlm-siang, doing his thesis- he even slept at faculty last semester during final exam...recently Hubby went for an interview for upgrading...no more working 'shift' hours, I really hope he gets it...why? because he deserves it, he sacrificed a lot in obtaining the degree, I'm so happy for him...rezeki Syasya...

Next week I have to go for practicum, 5 more lessons, my supervisor needs to observe me 2 times and my mentor(the class teacher) as well...I'm so nervous, what to teach, what teaching aids should I used....and worry about my thesis, about work...I'm obviously a worrier...ha ha...pecah rahsia...

I sent an email to my Abah on July 17...asking him to give me a piece of his mind...dah besor2 ni rindu nak kena marah, kena suruh belajar n semua2 tuh...I tell him what I'm going through and what is his advise.....so this is what my Abah said...

"Terima kasih kerana hantar berita, kira dah rajin lah tu, kami doakan kejayaan Yong sekeluarga.

Nothing comes easy and we're proud of your dedication and determination, I'm really at awe, Do what you can and what you have, where you are- Theodore Roosevelt, the great end of life is not knowledge but action. There's only one success-to be able to spend your life in your own way. May Allah give you serenity to strive harder as 'The meeting of preparation with opportunity generates the offspring we call luck- Anthony Robbins.

Kami juga rindu pada Yong sekeluarga"....

When I read his reply, it really makes me wanna cry...My beloved Abah...his my idol...he didn't grad from any 'U'..but I adore his knowledge and wisdom...Abah cakap zaman dulu Tok takde duit nak antar Abah belajar tinggi, walaupun Abah suka belajar n dpt peluang melanjutkan pelajaran...Abah was the one who inculcate reading habit in me, who bought books, encyclopedia, dictionaries at home...byk giler sampai Mak pun pening...Abah reads a lot, one of his favorite is Reader's Digest and his comment once publish in a magazine "Personal Money" ke apa ke nama magazine tu, he usually writes and he love doing speech or present in public...my relationship with Abah mmg rapat, coz I'm the only daughter in the family....I have 5 brothers...tapi aku rasa aku mmg anak manja, ngan Mak pun sama...heheh..mmg pampered...heheh tapi my parents may be agak tekejut tgk anak manja ni tekad masa 2 hari pas deliver Syasya buat final exam atas katil waktu pantang aritu...walopun aku manja tapi when situation needs me to tough, I'll cope...aku ni byk gak turun perangai Mak, selalu risau...tak cam Abah yang tenang n sentiasa positive thinking...Apapun I love them both...

This Pic-During my Engagement-with beloved Abah

Ni baru pas cakap ngan Mak..."Yong, nape susah ek buat thesis tu? kwn2 Mak ckp ley copy paste jek"..huhuuuu....anak mak ni takut kalo kena tangkap 'plagiaries'...sbb thesis tu kena save dlm bentuk CD and university skrg ada device yg boley detect benda2 nieh....oklah ni berblogging ni nak amik mood buat thesis....siang tadi pun si kenit tu asyik nak berkepit jek, kita tutup pintu dia dok ketuk2, kita dok dpn PC dia nak dok atas riba...selalu weekend Mama n Papa bwk jln2...tu yg dia terasa tu, kehulu kehilir tanak tido, but don't worry sayang, tonite we're going to bring you to Putrajaya, to watch the fireworks competition...

K wish me luck guys! Thanks for everyones' concern....now it's all up to me...to do it or not....advise for myself"Go Woman Start Moving, Stop Lazing Around and Stop Making Excuses!!!! external motivation does help but at the end, we ourselves need to start the ball rolling, Chai Yok!!!"

"Me and Brother 'Am' at Zoo Negara during our childhood days..."

p/s: D picture above does not relate with this entry...